Rapunzel The emo locked up in the tower
by Katakanion
Summary: Espada style! While Ulquiorra has impossible long hair, Grimmjow is the master of subtlety! Szayel likes to eat plants and Nnoitra hates getting them for him. Yumichika suggests a barber, and who's the witch? Read and find out! GrimmUlqui, crack pairings


**LOL My second fairy tale starring the Espada. The first one (Sleeping Beauty) was really fun to do, so I decided to make another one, and this time I chose Rapunzel. Again it's gonna be a yaoi one X3 And again it's Grimmjow and Ulquiorra for head characters, (although they don't appear in the beginning part -_-() ) 'cause they are so cute together XD and they somehow really fit to be fairy tale charachters XD**

**Disclaimer: Bleach and it's charachters are Kubo Tite's, not mine. If they were, then Ulquiorra would have female innards and Grimmjow would be stalked by aliens.**

** The song I used for Ulquiorra to sing is also not mine. Like suicide belongs to Seether**

**PS: I've got the book with the 200 collected fairy tales of the brothers Grimm(jow LOL XD)**

**PS2: Made for one of my dearest friends Zoë, 'cause I promised I'd write one for her and because it's good for her English ^^ I do hope you can forgive me though, since it's been a while since I started XP**

**Enjoy~!**

**Rapunzel - **_**Espada style**_

**Once upon a time there were a man and a woman who vainly wished to have a child and finally the woman was allowed to hope that the good God would fulfill her wish.**

Szayel: Really?! That's so cool!

**The pair had a small window at the back of their house through which you could see a beautiful garden that consisted of the most beautiful flowers and the most delicious herbs. But too bad for them it was surrounded by a wall and nobody who valued their life dared to enter, for the garden was owned by a powerful witch whom everybody feared.**

Nnoitra: Ha! I fear nobody!!

Szayel: Yes you do!!

Nnoitra: Then tell me who.

Szayel: Women who are more powerful than you.

Nnoitra: But there are none, ya dicksucker!

Szayel: So you agree?

Nnoitra: No. 'Cuz there are none.

Szayel: But if there were, you'd fear them. You just said that.

Aizen: Boo.

Nnoitra: AAAAH!!!! *screams like a little girl*

Szayel: *glints* See?

Nnoitra: BUT HE'S NOT A FREAKIN' CHICK!!!!

Aizen: *is dressed like a girl*

Szayel: But you feared him while he's dressed like a girl and he's fairly more powerful than you.

Nnoitra: *grumbles* Ya two are plotting against me, I swear.

Aizen and Szayel: *innocently* Why should we??

**One day, the woman stood by the window to look at the garden and suddenly she spotted the most delicious looking Rapunzel plants she's ever seen. They looked so fresh and green that she began to drool and got a desperate need for them.**

Szayel: Ew, I don't drool.

**Oh yes you do. Anyway, her need for them grew along with the days, and because she knew she'd never get to eat them she got skinnier and skinnier. She looked pale and thin. Her husband was shocked and asked:**

Nnoitra: Seriously, are ya bulimic or something?

Szayel: Oh get a mirror. You're really skinny yourself too.

Nnoitra: Am not!

Szayel: Are too!

Nnoitra: At least I'm a natural!

Szayel: Well, I'm...! I'm...! *sighs* Oh forget it. No I'm not bulimic.

Nnoitra: Then what's wrong?

Szayel: *whines* I'm gonna die if I don't get any of those delicious looking Rapunzel plants~~~ TT^TT *throws himself onto Nnoitra*

Nnoitra: *let's Szayel cry into his shirt*

**Oooooh~ Nnoitra's becoming soft.**

Nnoitra: Am NOT!

**Oh yes, you are. But whatever, that's not the case here. Her husband, who loved her very much, thought:**

Nnoitra: I'M NOT GAY!!

**He thought:**

Nnoitra: *reads aloud from script* Oh gee, I'm not gonna let my wife die *raises eyebrow* What the fuck??!

**Drop the what the fuck. Go on.**

Nnoitra: *still reads aloud* I'm gonna get a few of those Rapunzels, no matter the price.

Szayel: *stops crying* Really?!! I love you so much!!! *hugs Nnoitra*

Nnoitra: Fuck, did I say that aloud?!

**Yes you did, idiot.**

Nnoitra: *tries to smother Szayel's squeels of happiness*

**So when the evening came and the sun almost set, he stealthily climbed over the wall and subtly grabbed a handfull of plants and brought them to his wife.**

Szayel: Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!! *starts to eat them*

**Szayel, you're doing something wrong.**

Szayel: *stops eating* What?

**You're doing something wrong.**

Szayel: I heard you the first time. But what is it that I'm doing wrong?

**You forgot to make a salad from it.**

Szayel: Oh! You're right! *quickly makes a salade and eats it*

Nnoitra: I've put all that effort behind getting them and I get nothing? *pouts*

Szayel: *puts fork towards Nnoitra* Say 'ah'.

Nnoitra: What?! No wa- *gets fork crammed into his mouth* *chokes*

Szayel: Seriously, choke with care.

Nnoitra: *coughs* THERE'S NO *coughs* FREAKIN' WAY I'M GETTING THOSE THINGS AGAIN!! *coughs*

Szayel: You have to.

Nnoitra: What?! Why?!!

Szayel: Because I loved them and because the story says so.

**Indeed. The woman loved the plants so much, she craved for them three times more the day after. Her husband had no choice but to go to the garden again. So the next day he went to the garden again, but this time thing didn't go so smoothly as last time. When he jumped down from the wall into the witch's garden he stood nailed to the ground, for he saw the witch glaring at him. He stammered in a desperate effort to start a normal converstation:**

Nnoitra: H... Hi, Miss.

Aizen: What makes you think you can just slip into my garden?!

Nnoitra: W.. Well, you see-

Aizen: Don't make silly exuses! You're gonna pay for doing this!!

Nnoitra: *falls into a begging position* Please! I beg you! Have mercy! I did this because my wife forced me to! She saw your Rapunzel plants and craved for them to the point of starvation!

**The witch's anger faded a little.**

Aizen: If you say it like this, you have permission to take as much as you want. But on one condition: You need to give me your child your wife bears. It will live well and I will care for it like a mother.

**The man agreed to all this out of fear.**

Nnoitra: I FUCKIN' HATE YOU!! HOW DARE YOU HUMILIATE ME LIKE THAT?!!!!!

**You did it yourself, you know. I didn't force you into that position.**

Nnoitra: BUT YOU FUCKIN' GAVE ME THIS FREAKIN' ROLE!!!

**And you accepted.**

Nnoitra: DON'T BE SUCH A FUCKIN' SMARTASS!!!

**I'm not trying to be a smartass, I'm just stating the truth.**

Nnoitra: Keh, smartass...

**Shut up. Anyway, the woman bore the child and the witch took it away to care for it.**

Szayel: All that effort of experimenting on myself with male pregnancy, and this is what I get? My child getting taken away?! This story is so cruel!

**And so is life, accept it. On with the story!**

Aizen: I'm gonna name you Rapunzel, just for the hell of it.

Ulquiorra: Beh?

**Beh? **

Ulquiorra: I was trying to imitate the way a baby cries.

**And you say 'beh'? **

Ulquiorra: Yeah.

**The effort is appreciated, but couldn't you try it with a little more enthusiasm?**

Ulquiorra: No.

**Try it anyway.**

Ulquiorra: Beeeeeh?

**Forget it. You sound like a sheep.**

Ulquiorra: Well, thank you very much.

**You're welcome. Anyway, Rapunzel was the most beautiful child under the sun. And when she was twelve years old, the witch locked her up in a tower in a forest with neither stairs nor doors. **

Ulquiorra: Then how did I get up there?

**The witch threw you. **

Ulquiorra: O.o

**Nah, just kindding, Aizen's the witch so he just Shunpo'd.**

Ulquiorra: That makes more sense.

**But whatever, the tower had one big window, and when the witch wanted to enter the tower she went to stand under it and called: **

Aizen: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the pitch black stair.

**It's golden stair.**

Aizen: But Ulquiorra has got black hair so it's only obvious I say that.

**Do as you like. Rapunzel had beautiful long hair, as fine as... hmmm.... spun golden doesn't fit anymore, so.... uhm... spun charcoal??**

Ulquiorra: It kind of misses it's mark that way.

**I know, Aizen's fault.**

Aizen: Why me?

**'Cause you started with the black hair thing.**

Aizen: Ah... But I was just stating the truth.

**Don't use my words against me.**

Aizen: I'd never.

**You just did, asshole. *sigh* Whatever. When Rapunzel heard the witch's cackling voice she loosened up her hair and wrapped them around a windowhook. Then she dropped the rest graciously out of the window so they'd land at the witch's feet, 20 meters below.**

Ulquiorra: I hope you DO realize that 20 meters is impossibly long.

**Believe me, I do. The story just says so. Well... no... actually it doesn't, but in the picture it's about 20 meters long.**

Ulquiorra: I know, but still.

**It happened a few years later that the King his son was riding thr-**

Grimmjow: FINALLY!! IT'S MY TURN TO TAKE OVER THE FUCKING STAGE!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!

**SHUT YOUR FREAKING TRAP AND LET ME FUCKING SPEAK, YOU FIST-FUCKING, TREEGLOMPING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!! Ahum, what I meant was; Please let me finish my **story.

Grimmjow: O.O()

**Thank you. Where was I?**

Ulquiorra: The prince was riding through.....

**Ah, thank you. Like I was saying, it happened after a few years that the King's son was riding through the forest and rode past the tower. That's when he heard someone sing.**

Ulquiorra: *signs* 'Cause she~ belo~ngs to Heaven. She's coming over like a suicide. And it's the same old trip, the same old trip as before. Another complicating suicide. And it's the same old trip, the same old trip as before!.

**It sounded so beautiful he decided to stay and listen.**

Ulquiorra: *sings* He'll cut you down with a single thrust. She's taking over too quickly. No medication can cure the lust. So say a prayer for the sickly.

Grimmjow: Oh, do go on.

Ulquiorra: *sings* 'Cause she~ belo~ngs to Heaven. She's coming over like a suicide. And it's the same old trip, the same old trip as before. Another complicating suicide. And it's the same old trip, the same old trip as before! As before!

**Continue....**

Ulquiorra: Do I really have to?

**Yep.**

Grimmjow: Yeah.

Ulquiorra: *sighs and sings* You set me up to fucking fail this time. You set me up to fucking fail this time. You set me up to fucking fail this time. You set me up to fucking fail this time.

**That's what I wanted to hear x)**

Ulquiorra: You wanted to hear me say fuck?

Grimmjow: And it sure was worth listening to! XD

**The voice came from Rapunzel, who sang emo songs to kill time. **

Grimmjow: *searches for an entrance but finds none* Tell me. Why the FUCK are there no entrances?! I want to go up there!

**Don't act so spoiled. You'll find out eventually how to go up there.**

Grimmjow: Great, more waiting.

**Shut up. He rode home, but the voice was so beautiful that he returned many times to listen to it.**

Grimmjow: It's like an addition, you know. To hear Ulquiorra say fuck every day.

**And when hid himself behind a tree to listen again some day, he saw the old wicked witch approaching and he heard how she called:  
**

Aizen: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the pitch black stair.

Ulquiorra: *drops hair*

Aizen: *climbs up*

Grimmjow: *thinks* So that's the way up. When the ugly fart's gone, I'm gonna try that too.

**-The next day-**

Grimmjow: *thinks* Seriously! When the fuck is the fart leaving?!

Aizen: *leaves*

Grimmjow: Speak of the Devil.

**The prince walked to the tower.**

Grimmjow: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the pitch black stair.

Hair: *drops down*

Grimmjow: *climbs up*

**Rapunzel was shocked when she saw a man enter like she'd never seen before.**

Ulquiorra: O.O

Grimmjow: What's with that face?!

Ulquiorra: Just didn't expect a man to come up here.

Grimmjow: You could've know when you heard my voice.

Ulquiorra: *rolls eyes* What brings you here?

Grimmjow: You're a good singer.

Ulquiorra: And?

Grimmjow: And what?

Ulquiorra: You want to say more, I can see it in your eyes.

Grimmjow: Creep.

Ulquiorra: Spill it.

Grimmjow: *sighs* Fine, whatever you want. I was touched when I heard you singing and wanted to see you for real instead of just hearing your voice.

Ulquiorra: Alright, I not afraid of you anymore.

Grimmjow: You were afraid? That's a first.

Ulquiorra: Of course I wasn't afraid, I had to act like it.

**You failed miserably.**

Grimmjow: It was an epic fail indeed.

Ulquiorra: Shut up, trash.

Grimmjow: *vein pops* ALRIGHT!! THAT'S IT!! NOBODY EVER DARED TO TALK IN SUCH A WAY TO ME!!! SO YOU'RE GONNA FREAKING MARRY ME AND I BROOK NO FUCKING CONTRADICTION!!

Ulquiorra: *thinks* Hmmm, he surely is going to love me more than the witch, so why not? I mean, he IS hot.... Wait, I didn't think that right? No way, I'd never do such a thing. But I thought it. What's wrong with me? I thought he was hot. I thought he was sexy. He IS sexy, so why am I denying it? ARGH!!! *shouts in frustration* Alright, I'll do it!!

Grimmjow: That's what I wanted to hear!

Ulquiorra: But tell me. How am I going to get down?

Grimmjow: Dunno.

**---Both think as hard as they can. Well, maybe just Ulqui, Grimmjow is thinking about perverted things...---**

Ulquiorra: Alright, I've got something. Every time you come here, bring a string of silk. I'll make a ladder out of all the strings you bring me.

Grimmjow: You're not only hot, you're a genius as well.

Ulquiorra: *blushes* Thanks... I guess...

Grimmjow: So I'm coming here every evening from now on.

Ulquiorra: That was the idea.

Grimmjow: Righto. Now let's fuck.

Ulquiorra: *becomes as red as a tomatoe* W...What?!!

Grimmjow: I can see you want it. And not only in your eyes...

**Behold! Grimmjow, the master of subtlety!**

Grimmjow: Hehehe...

**At first the wicked witch didn't have a clue that Rapunzel knew the prince, and she didn't notice that she was pregnant either, for at some point in between she lost her glasses.**

Ulquiorra: Wait... I'm pregnant?

**Yes, you are.**

Ulquiorra: How?

**Your mom, Szayel, injected you with the same substance he injected himself with to make himself pregnant.**

Ulquiorra: I'm going to kill him next time I see him.

**Do as you like. Well, as I said, the old fart didn't notice a thing untill, being smart as Rapunzel was without ever attending school, she asked the witch:**

Ulquiorra: Bitch, tell me. How come you are so slow in climbing up, while this totally cute, handsome, hot, sexy, smart, cool prince is here in an instant?

Aizen: Damn it all!! What did you say?!! I thought I secluded you from the outside world!!! And now you deceived me and became rebellious!!! I can't take it anymore!!

**And with that she Kyouka Suigetsu-ed a pair of scissors and cut of her beautiful long hair.**

Ulquiorra: *cries*

**And the witch, mercyless as she was, kicked her all the way to a wasteland where she had to live in misery and sorrow. (The wasteland being the thorny part of the forest where the tower stood amidst of)**

Ulquiorra: *still crying* M... meanie.... *sob*

**And after she kicked Rapunzel out of her tower, she bound the hair around the same windowhook Rapunzel used to use, so when the prince would call for the 'pitch black stair' she could throw them out of the window and then kick his ass for impregnating her beautiful adopted daughter. And so the prince came.**

Grimmjow: *whistles a tune*

Aizen: There he comes.... Heheh...

Grimmjow: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the pitch black stair.

Aizen: Heheh... *drops hair*

Grimmjow: *climbs up*

Aizen: Well, hello there...

Grimmjow: WHAT THA FUCK?!! WHAT THA FREAKIN' HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!!

Aizen: You wanted to get your sweetheart, did you?

Grimmjow: No shit, Sherlock. What else would I be here for? To piss into a frog's mouth?

Aizen: Too bad for you!! MUHAHA!!! Your little bird got kicked out of the nest and will sing no more!! The cat got her and it will scratch your eyes out of their sockets also!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!! SHE'S GONE AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Grimmjow: WHAT?!!!!! IF I HAD MY SWORD WITH ME YOU'D BE SOOOOOOOO FUCKING DEAD!!!!! But for now... I'll just jump out of the window like the script tells me to. *jumps*

**The jump had it's pro's and it cons. The pro was that the prince survived to 20 meter fall, but the con was, too bad for him, that there were thorned bushes at the spot he landed on, and they stabbed his eyes out.**

Grimmjow: GODDAMNIT!!! FUCK!!! That freakin' HURT!!! I'M BLIND!!! OH MY GOD!!!! I'M FUCKING BLIND!!!! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!!

**The cursing went on and on as he wandered around the forest. Miraculously as it was, he survived the torture and for a few years he wandered around in the forest, eating berries and other foresty food and did besides that nothing else than whining and crying about the loss of his dearest wife. (Don't ask me how he found the berries, I've got no clue...)**

Grimmjow: Seriously, does that guy not realize that nothing's gonna happen if he continues whining about his freakin' wife for fucking eight years straight?

**Apparantly not, but I didn't write it, so I can't change it. And you're playing that miserable man, so I'd better start practising that whining if I were you.**

Grimmjow: What?! You want me to fucking whine like a retard?!

**Yep.**

Grimmjow: I hate you.

**I'm well aware of that. But whatever, like I said, the prince wandered around for a few years and somehow managed to survive. Then one day, after a lot of wandering around, he unknowingly stumbled upon the wastelands Rapunzel got kicked to, and where she lived in poverty and where she lived with the twins she had given birth to, a boy and a girl. So that day the prince heard an all too familair voice. **

Grimmjow: *whining* Why did my eyes have to be stabbed? Why not the fucking witch's? Ugh... I can't take it anymore... I want mommy and daddy....

Ulquiorra: Yylforte and D-Roy!! Stop your constant arguing!!

Grimmjow: *ears perk up* I know that voice! *stumbles towards the sound*

Yylforte: EEK!!! *runs to hide behind Ulquiorra* Mommy, mommy!!! There's a freaky guy in that bush over there!!

Ulquiorra: *looks towards bush* Oh. My. God.

Grimmjow: Hiya, sexy. Although I can't see you.

Ulquiorra: *hugs him tight and cries from happiness* I thought I'd never see you again TToTT

Grimmjow: I can never see you again, for these fucking thorns stabbed my eyes out.

**But oh, miracles DO happen, peeps. Two of Rapunzels tears moistened the prince's eyes and oh my god, you just can't predict this to happen: his vision cleared from black to white, and then... he saw. **

Grimmjow: O.o You have the same powers as Dumbledore's bird!!

Ulquiorra: I'm just awesome.

Grimmjow: So these wimps are our children.

Yylforte: We're not fucking wimps!! Right bro?!

D-Roy: Yeah!!

Ulquiorra: They got that rebellious attitude from you, obviously.

Grimmjow: Hehe... They don't even know me and they already swear. What did you teach them?

Ulquiorra: So now we are together again, why don't you bring us to your castle?

Grimmjow: Don't fucking avoid the question. But whatever, you'll tell me later. Now follow me.

Ulquiorra, Yyforte and D-Roy: *follow*

D-Roy: *whispers to Yylforte* Is that guy really our father?

Grimmjow: Yes I am. I fucked your mom senseless when she was still locked up in that fucking tower.

Ulquiorra: Don't talk like that in front of the children.

Grimmjow: Like they freaking mind. They swear with fuck too, so why not?

Ulquiorra: I didn't mean the swearing, I meant the 'fucked your mom senseless' part.

Grimmjow: Oh come on! It's not like I raped you. And you can't say you didn't like it, 'cause the whole freaking forest population could hear you.

Yylforte: Really? Did you scream that hard, mom?

Grimmjow: Hell she did.

Ulquiorra: *is as red as a tomatoe* Don't tell them that!

D-Roy: I'm starting to like you, supposed fatherly person.

Yyforte: What's your name anyway?

Grimmjow: It's Grimmjow. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Ya better remember it, for you guys will be living with me for the rest of your freaking lives.

Yylforte: I think we can live with that, right bro?

D-Roy: Yeah.

**And so the happy family reached the castle were Grimmjow lived. **

Dordonii: Welcome.... BACK~! Niño! *makes a freaky pose*

Grimmjow: Shut up.

Dordonii: But, Niño... Can a faithfull servant not happily greet his master after he suddenly comes back from years of absence? Niño?

Grimmjow: Shut. up.

Ulquiorra: You can be a little bit nicer to your servants you know?

Dordonii: Yeah, Niño. Listen to the beautiful lady here.

Ulquiorra: *smashes him in the head*

D-Roy: Nice hit.

Dordonii: Ugh... *is knocked out*

*They walk on and reach the main hall*

Grimmjow: Yo.

Zaraki: My son! I knew you'd come back!! *attacks him*

Grimmjow: *dodges*

Zaraki: Good. You still got your fast reactions.

Grimmjow: Duh. After wandering about in some forest while being fucking blind, you develop the skill to blindly dodge attacking rabbits and ferrets.

Ulquiorra: There are no ferrets in forests.

Zaraki: Oh~ And, my son, who are these people here?

Grimmjow: That's my woman, and these brats are the kids.

Yylforte: We're not fucking brats!! Right, bro?!

D-Roy: Yeah!

Ulquiorra: Hi.

Zaraki: So that makes me a grandpa huh?

Grimmjow: Yep. You're getting old. Where's mom?

Zaraki: She's getting candy.

Grimmjow: Again?!

Zaraki: SLAVES!!!

*Ikkaku and Yumichika come in*

Zaraki: What do you suggest to make them look better?

Yumichika: A barber.

Ikkaku: Definatly.

Grimmjow: As long as it doesn't cut me as bald as Ikkaku.

Ikkaku: I'M NOT BALD YOU FUCKING MORON!!!

Grimmjow: Yes you are.

Ikkaku: AM NOT!!

Grimmjow: ARE TOO!!

Ulquiorra: *sigh*

**Indeed. And they lived happily ever after.**

Yachiru: Yay!!!!

Grimmjow: Hi mom.

Yachiru: Grimmeow!!! You're back!!! Want some candy?

Grimmjow: Su-

Yachiru: MINE!!

**That was it! Hope you liked it^^ Now press that way too alluring green button down there...**


End file.
